Det. Don Flack: Let me arrest him for swearing on his grandmother.

Det. Don Flack: Sure you did, you got steak sauce on my shoes!

Det. Mac Taylor: You're not a doctor. You're a murderer with a medical degree.

Det. Mac Taylor: Use your head, Stella, not your heart.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [holding a severed finger] Apart from the fact of it not being attached to a person, there's nothing wrong with this finger.

Danny Messer: [looking at evidence from a murder case] I can't wrap my head around it, Mac. You get up, you go to work, see the people that you know, you talk, you laugh. You're living your life, then suddenly, boom. It's just over. Just like that, and you never even saw it coming.

Det. Stella Bonasera: [examining a body] There's something gooey here.
Det. Mac Taylor: Gooey? There's a good forensic word. Gooey. I have to use that more.

Det. Stella Bonasera: It's Chinatown, Mac.

Aiden Burn: I'm on the toilet! Can you come here?

Det. Don Flack: I could go on, but I've already read "War and Peace".

[Aiden tries to pick the pocket of a training dummy without ringing the bell, but she can't]
Danny Messer: You're such a girl.
Aiden Burn: [smacking him in the head] Shut up.

[Danny puts a wet PDA in a toaster oven to dry it out]
Det. Stella Bonasera: Mmm... something smells good.

[Danny and Stella enter a sushi restaurant in which the food is served on nude women]
Det. Stella Bonasera: Oh, that can't be sanitary.
Danny Messer: Who cares if it's sanitary. I want to see the menu.

Det. Don Flack: Deodorizers? The guy smelled like ass.

Detective Thacker: [going over a victim's rap sheet] ... and one prior for assaulting a cab driver.
Danny Messer: That's still a crime in New York?

[Danny and Stella are investigating the death of a bike messenger]
Det. Stella Bonasera: Alright, Danny. How does the DNA from the fingernail scrappings on the knife not match Brett Stokes? I mean, she's got 'motive' tattooed on her forehead.
Danny Messer: Hey, don't kill the messenger.
[pause]
Danny Messer: See what I just did there?
Det. Stella Bonasera: Yeah, it was cute.

[Danny is reading 'Trendy Magazine'. Stella enters]
Det. Stella Bonasera: If you wanted beauty tips, all you had to do was ask.
Danny Messer: Do you know that waterproof mascara dries out your lashes? That's amazing.

[Aiden is going over a list of chemicals relating to the case]
Aiden Burn: ...Benzosothyazolonal.
Det. Don Flack: Whoa, Benzosothyazolonal?
Aiden Burn: You know what that is?
[pause]
Det. Don Flack: No.

Danny Messer: The first thing I learned on this job is anybody can do anything to anybody.
[Stella sees a Derek Jeter bobblehead on the dashboard of an SUV she and Mac are processing]
Det. Stella Bonasera: Who is that on the dashboard? Mickey Mantle?
Det. Mac Taylor: I dunno. Looks kind of like Derek Jeter.
Det. Stella Bonasera: Derek Jeter from the Yankees, right?
Det. Mac Taylor: Yeah.
Det. Stella Bonasera: Didn't they get beat by Boston or something?
Det. Mac Taylor: We were up three to zero and then we got swept. But we're trying to forget that.

Det. Stella Bonasera: Can't sleep?
Det. Mac Taylor: What's sleep?

Det. Mac Taylor: [about mosquitoes] Only the female of the species bites.
Det. Stella Bonasera: Good for her!

Danny Messer: There's one thing I hate more than running... leaping.

Det. Mac Taylor: I love the smell of a cover-up.

Det. Mac Taylor: You will answer to this crime.

Det. Mac Taylor: Rot in hell, you son of a bitch.

Det. Mac Taylor: Me? I don't pity you, Darius. There's a lot of people with worse stories than yours - they never hurt anyone. You killed 12 people in two states over the last 72 hours and you want me to feel sorry for you because your daddy... didn't kiss you when you were a baby? You asked for my help? I did help you - you're where you belong... You rot in hell, you son of a bitch

Det. Stella Bonasera: No girl leaves her house without her cell phone, at least not at that age.
Det. Mac Taylor: GPS the phone number.
Det. Stella Bonasera: You got it. Tiffany's! Now you're talking my language.
Det. Mac Taylor: You can tell from a map?
Det. Stella Bonasera: Are you kidding, I can tell from the moon. I love those little blue boxes.

Danny Messer: [after using glue and a coffee pot to check a knife for fingerprints] Think I've seen this on an episode of The Flintstones.

Danny Messer: [after finding out the panic room he's locked in won't open] You're telling me this spaceship doesn't open up again until tomorrow morning?

Det. Stella Bonasera: That's it? No butler?
Det. Don Flack: No.
Det. Stella Bonasera: Too bad. I thought we could wrap this one up quick.
Det. Don Flack: What?
Det. Stella Bonasera: Mansion like this, it's always the butler. Didn't you ever play Clue?
Det. Don Flack: I was a Monopoly guy.

Det. Lindsay Monroe: [after searching a pit filled with lubricant for evidence] Funny how a little lube speeds up the processing.

Det. Stella Bonasera: [after finding out that a mattress that they know a girl died on has no bloodstains on it] What do you do when you can't get to sleep?
Det. Mac Taylor: Work.
Det. Stella Bonasera: What do *normal* people do when they can't get to sleep?